Tough times, scary times

CELTA is tough, seriously tough. Had my worst day so far yesterday. My third lesson and we got our assignment 1 back. First, the lesson was a fail…second, the assignment was a total fail. I just couldn’t get my head around that lesson from the moment I got the TP points…it totally confused me and I just could not wrap my mind around it and by the time for the lesson arrived, I was not confident in my LP at all…and it showed. Some of the lesson was good, the problem was I didn’t finish it with the practice stage as I ran out of time.

The assignment though – total fail and so, so depressing as the amount of time I spent on that was ridiculous…I expected a resubmit but not such an extensive one. It’s this that’s making think that I’m not able to do this course…tough times. My next lesson is next week and we’ve been given assignment 2 which is even more of a monster…

Scary times…next week Monday, I resign…I know it’s the right thing to do, just thinking of doing it feels ridiculously amazing, then thinking about it too much feels totally unbelievably scary…thinking of all the comforts that I’ll be sacrificing, the salary, all the stuff I’ve accumulated, gone…

And tomorrow I’m in Bridgwater at the Thorn shop to collect my bicycle that’s going to take me to these amazing places. Thoughts like, what if I can’t do it? what if I hate it? what do I do then? What do I do after? often float in my conscience…and it’s so, so, so hard to focus on what makes it feel so, so right – the real life experiences, the possibility that ANYTHING can happen, anything. The people I’m going to meet, the sights I am going to see – does that not transcend comforts, money, stuff? Fuck yes I have to remind myself…fuck yes.

 

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